By Jathan Janove (Guest Contributor)–
My longtime, close friend Suzanne Tornquist is a virtuoso artist. (You can see her work at: http://suzannetornquist.com/) When we visit Salt Lake City, my wife Marjorie and I love spending time with Suzanne and her husband Michael Fletcher at their home, which doubles as an art gallery. As we sit amidst Suzanne’s incredible artwork, we talk for hours.
Given the choice of anyone, whom would you want as a dinner guest and what would you talk about?
I would pick my stepfather, Clare Bloom. He married my mother long after I was out of the house. He was kind, gentle and humble. He was a wonderful father and grandfather.
Clare was a career military man with a final rank of colonel. He fought in World War II. I remember him telling me of a mission he conducted with two of his buddies. One was on his right, the other one on his left. Almost simultaneously, his two buddies had their heads shot off. Yet Clare kept moving forward.
I remember seeing a portrait of him and asking him about it. He said it was painted by a German prisoner of war and given to him as a gift. Some of his kindness and gentleness must have been evident even during wartime.
I would want to know more about the war, including how someone so kind and gentle functioned under those circumstances. He was an incredible man. I would love to know more about his life and experiences.
What’s something in your life for which you feel grateful?
I’m grateful to have been able to survive on my own and for not giving up my son for adoption after I became pregnant at age 16.
As a single mom, I needed money. I knocked on door after door, trying to find a job without success. Finally, I knocked on the right door. At Makoff Department Store, Wilma Carter gave me a job making hats. At the time, she was also a single parent. She took a real interest in me and became a mentor. I still hear her voice, “Don’t meander! Walk like you have a purpose!” 60 years later, I’m still walking like I have a purpose.
If the current you could provide real-time advice to a much younger you, what would it be?
I would tell myself to maintain enthusiasm for everything you do. After the initial excitement, there’s a tendency to lose interest, and with it the necessary effort to be successful. I’d tell myself, don’t just hang on. Either stop and do something else or continue with energy and enthusiasm.
What would you change about the way you were raised?
There would be quite a few things I would change. If I had to pick one, it would be having someone in my home who listened to me. Growing up without anyone listening to you causes a lot of insecurity.
I made a conscious effort to break this pattern as a parent. I’m most happy when I see my kids listening to their kids.
What’s a treasured memory?
My husband and I took a trip to a remote area in New Guinea. We visited the Asmat and Dani tribes, which well into the 20th century were headhunters. They were incredibly kind, gracious people.
They lived in treehouses. We were going to visit one. I remember thinking, “How in the world am I going to get up there?” One of the men put me on his shoulders and went right up the tree. It was scary, but he got me there safe and sound.
They had no metal – all their tools were made of bone or wood.
They had different customs. One was to inherit the skulls of their parents and decorate them. Sometimes they used the skulls as pillows. They believed that the skulls could speak to them. That’s why they’d break off the jaw of an enemy’s skull.
People were fascinated by me. They had never seen a blonde, white woman before. It was a hot, humid rain forest and I was sweating. A man rubbed some sweat off of me and rubbed it on himself. The translator explained that this was a way of bonding.
I remember sitting in a circle in a treehouse with a family, our arms around each other. Everybody was smiling and laughing when one of the kids started to cry. Soon all of the kids were crying. And then mom and dad were crying. Everyone was happy and then they were all sad.
Later, the father took me down the tree and walked me back to the boat. I was perplexed. I asked the interpreter what had happened. He said, “They believe you are the spirit of their dead sister/daughter. They laughed and then cried because they want you to know how much they love and miss you. However, they returned you to the boat because they don’t want you to haunt the village.”
What’s an embarrassing moment in your life you’re willing to share?
I’ve never been good at remembering names. I had an art show that had been publicized in the newspaper. A woman saw the announcement and came to the show. She came up to me and with a very friendly greeting, “I’m so glad to see you again!”
I said, “I’m so glad to see you too. It’s been a long time since we were in school.”
She said, “You and I weren’t in school together. We were coworkers.”
“Oh, that’s right,” I said. “Sorry about that Mary.”
“My name’s not Mary, it’s Sally.”
Oops! Not surprisingly, I didn’t see her at any of my subsequent art shows.
Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash. What would you save?
I would grab two paintings that are in our kitchen. They were done by my granddaughter Sarah and are of my husband and me. They bring back joyful, happy memories.
Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time?
I would probably adopt more children. I miss having little kids running around the house.
What do you find spiritual in life?
I see spirituality reflected in other people. I think there’s a deeper self behind each of us, and that it connects us. I find being close to children spiritual. They’re so honest and insightful. I love seeing the light in their eyes. It doesn’t matter what religion you are. There’s a connecting force behind us.
Jathan Janove is Principal of Janove Organization Solutions, http://www.jathanjanove.com. Through consulting, executive coaching and training, he works with employers to create fully engaged workplace cultures. He also practiced law in Salt Lake City, Utah and Portland, Oregon.
