By Jeffrey Druckman–
(Editor’s note: this is a lovely eulogy delivered on January 9, 2018 at Montefiori cemetery in Salt Lake City, Utah, for my friend Gabrielle Shulamit Janove, 1985 -2018. The name “Gabrielle” recalls the angel of strength; “Shulamit” shalom or peace. It is reprinted with permission.)
We mortals are dealt a hand by God and we have no idea why. All we can do is play our hand to the best of our ability and to do it with love and decency.
God dealt Gabi a very tough hand. He must have had great confidence in her to do so. But when the special among us are given long odds, they are often also given one exceptional asset. Gabi’s winning card was her family. She was blessed with an extraordinary mother, an extraordinary father, and two extraordinary brothers.
Her great achievement in life was to recognize that and to treasure it. Gabi’s story is her family
My name is Jeffrey Druckman and it has been my and my wife’s and my children’s privilege to know the Janoves — this remarkable family — for many years.
Gabi’s story starts before she was born. She did not have the benefit of a full 9 months in the womb. She did not have all the advantages that go with complete pre-natal development. That was cut short long before her due date. She was born 11 weeks before her time. That is almost 3 months. She was 2 pounds at birth and small enough to fit into the palm of (her father) Jathan’s hand. But she was a determined infant. Amazingly, she did not require intubation because she was so strong. And she made such an impression on the medical staff that, years later, physicians and nurses from the NICU remembered her.
It was that determination that got her through high school. Although it was very difficult for her to take exams, she graduated from high school through persistence and her willingness to do extra work.
Her brothers, Rafi and Nathaniel, were born shortly after her, and she developed a deep and enduring bond with them. Rafi’s first memory is the day Nathaniel was born. Gabi was 3 1/2; Rafi barely 2. Rafi says that he remembers going to the hospital to see the new baby. Gabi was extremely excited when the elevator opened to the hospital floor. She ran out, skipping and singing, “we’re going to see the baby!”
Rafi could not bear to be separated from Gabi. If she was not there, he would say “we need to wait for Gabi.” Once, when she went to a birthday party, he stood and waited at the screen door until she returned.
If you talk to people who knew Gabi – knew her well – over and over you hear stories of her kindness, thoughtfulness, compassion, generosity. She was a person with a gift for giving.
When Nathaniel moved back to Salt Lake, Gabi bought him two very nice couches. Her couches were old and worn. Many siblings, if they thought at all about getting furniture for their brother, would give them the old and keep the new, but not Gabi.
The last time Rafi talked to Gabi, she had called to tell him she had found a beautiful pair of earrings for (Rafi’s wife) Liana. Rafi asked her “why not get them for yourself?” But she would have none of it.
Every other week, Gabi called Rafi to report on something she had found for him on one of her frequent trips with (her friend) Suzanne to Deseret Industries. She was always looking for gifts for the people she cared about. She bought Nathaniel a winter coat and shoes. Every time Jathan came to Salt Lake, or Gabi came to Portland, she had a gift for him. You’ve probably seen some of those shirts and sweaters.
But she never asked for much for herself. One time, she allowed that she might be interested in a small stereo system. Rafi was delighted, but she insisted on scouring the local vendors for the best deal.
On (her mother) Marjorie’s and Jathan’s last visit to Salt Lake, Gabi had gotten a gift in anticipation of Jathan’s birthday. She carefully wrapped it and sent it home with Marjorie because she was afraid that, if she took it, it would break.
You can tell a lot about the soul of a person by how he or she treats the elderly. Marjorie, Gabi, Rafi and Nathaniel used to give concerts at St. Joseph’s Villa and Park Lane. Gabi felt very comfortable around the elderly. She was not afraid to touch older people. Once, she did manicures for them at a home for the aged. And Marjorie talks about how patient Gabi was with Marjorie’s mother.
Who is good? Someone for whom it takes very little to make her happy. Gabi took delight in small things. She loved her trips to Deseret Industries with Suzanne. She loved animals. Once, when she was 17 or 18, she was at the home of Vivian and David Dowsett, who had a standard poodle. Gabi dressed Liberty up in a bandana and sunglasses, and that turned into the Dowsett’s holiday card.
Gabi loved to paint. Suzanne was her teacher and painting companion. When Gabi was a little girl and Suzanne gave painting lessons, the other children showed up in smocks. Gabi came wearing a dress and earrings.
She took pleasure in keeping things neat. Once, the Janoves went camping. They went off and left their campsite in disarray. Gabi arranged everything and made the tent neat and cozy.
She kept her apartment beautifully decorated, and filled with little things, with explosions of color. On her refrigerator she had a note to herself, possibly resolutions, for 2017. Here is what it said: Do good to others; Have faith; Think positive; Love thy neighbor; Dream big; Think smart; Positive attributes; Happy thoughts; Actions over words; Look towards the present and future of good things to come into life.
Gabi understood she was different. She once said to Suzanne: “I just want to be normal.” Many people with Gabi’s challenges can become withdrawn or morose. Gabi was always reaching out and always trying to be positive. As Suzanne said, “you just could not help but love her.”
And, so, she touched the lives of many people. One measure of her kindness was how much others reached out to her. The property manager at Gabi’s apartment told Jathan how special she was and how Gabi touched her so.
Last week we read, and this week we will read, the Exodus story in the Torah. After centuries of bondage — terrible conditions faced by the Israelites in Egypt — God released them. One Passover, Gabi, (and her friends) Lois and Bert did a Seder themselves. They went through the Haggadah together and recounted the story of the Exodus. As Lois said: “I have a beautiful memory in my mind of Gabi sitting with Bert and me, singing from the Haggadah songs she knew far better than we. Gabi knew the entire Seder service and we were happy she felt comfortable to sit with us and enjoy a festive meal and the readings and songs.”
Now, like the Israelites in Egypt, God has released Gabi. Like the Israelites, she went through terrible trials. But she always remembered what was important.
We discover ourselves in and through others. I think that everyone who knew Gabi discovered something better about themselves. Through Gabi, we learned that the answer to why we are here may be very simple: to help each other.
Marjorie and Jathan, Rafi, Nathaniel, Bert and Lois, Suzanne and Michael, Vivian and David, Debbie Bell, Greg Skordas, Gail Grow, Norman Emerson, and all of Gabi’s Salt Lake City friends created a community of people helping each other. A Gabi community.
I am one of those who believes that the soul survives the body. I picture Gabi looking down on us now and saying:
Do good to others
Have faith
Think positive
Love thy neighbor
Dream big
Think smart
Positive attributes
Happy thoughts
Actions over words
Look towards the present and future of good things to come into life
