Random Acts of Kindness

By Gary Topping–

We’ve all seen the bumper sticker that advises something like “Commit Random Acts of Kindness.”  It’s good advice, but my experience with it has been ambiguous.

Some years ago, I was second place in a checkout line at Dan’s Foods in Cottonwood Heights, Utah.  The fellow ahead of me had a big cart full of things that he found he was unable entirely to pay for.  I watched as the checker removed item after item to get the bill down to what his budget could handle.  I noticed that none of what he had in his cart was things like beer or tobacco; they were all essential food items.

Later, I think in the parking lot, I realized how callous and guilty I had been for not offering to help.  I’m not a wealthy person, but offering ten or twenty, or even fifty dollars would easily have covered his tab.  Finding a way to tender such an offer might have been a bit touchy, without insulting him and making him feel like an object of charity, but I didn’t even try to find a way.

My guilt continued to torment me.  Obviously I couldn’t go back and find the guy and repair my sin of omission, so as a serious if not very good Catholic, I decided to repair to the confessional.  My confessor that Saturday afternoon turned out to be Father Eliazar Silva Galvan, who at the time was in residence at the Cathedral of the Madeleine in Salt Lake City.  Fr. Silva may be legally blind, but his spiritual insight is better than 20/20.  By the time I had finished my recitation of my iniquity, he was already chuckling.  “Oh Gary, “ he told me, “ life is going to give you many opportunities to fix that mistake.”  I don’t remember what the penance was that he prescribed to me, but it might well have been “Hey man, get over it”!

Over the years, I fear that Fr. Silva’s prediction has not proven true.  I don’t think it’s because he was wrong; I think it’s because of my continued insensitivity to what’s around me.  I’m sure Fr.

Silva’s reading of our needy world is exactly right; we just need to find the needs and try to meet them.  I just don’t have a very good record at doing that.

Well. there’s another side to this story.  Last Monday was a tough day for Marianna and me.  She, as the very competent and knowledgeable manager of our household, had to deal with visits and phone calls with technicians to get our balky air conditioner and our nonfunctional refrigerator going.  I had to field lengthy and difficult phone calls from two colleagues with whom I’m involved in different projects.  It was very taxing for both of us, so by early afternoon we decided to treat each other to lunch at one of our favorite restaurants, The Porcupine, which is within walking distance of our house (though we were worn out enough that he we decided to drive).

As requested, we were seated on the outside deck on the shady north side of the building.  We got the last table, at the east end of the deck.  Another couple was at the next table and they greeted us very warmly.  Although they were not young, they appeared to be newlyweds: they were tightly snuggled up together at one corner of the table, holding hands and whispering.  Once in a while we exchanged a little chitchat with them.

They had ordered nachos, and I think they were surprised when the order appeared.  Although listed on the appetizers menu, nachos at The Porcupine are a huge meal, stacked up about a foot high on a big plate.  We commented on how good they looked, and the woman, quite seriously, offered to share with us.  We had ordered big lunches already, so we declined, but pointed out that when we order nachos, we can together eat about half and take the rest home.  As things turned out, though, they ate the whole thing and washed it down with a couple of beers.

As they finished, a few minutes ahead of us, we noticed that she called the waiter over and whispered something to him.  They paid their tab and got up and left.  When we finished and Marianna tendered our credit card, the waiter told us that the other couple had paid ours, including a generous tip!

What to make of that?  Our conversation had been infrequent and casual in the extreme.  They were already long gone, so we had no chance to thank them or ask why they had done that.  It was about as random an act of kindness as one could imagine, and as inexplicable.

What lessons have I drawn from these instances?  In the latter case, not much of anything except to be grateful when good things come along because there are plenty of bad ones to balance them out.  I find no good reason to pay it back by covering someone else’s tab unless it’s a family that looks like they could use some help, and I will definitely be on the lookout for that.  In the other instance, the guy in the grocery line, Fr. Silva taught me to watch for those opportunities that God puts in our way and to respond.  Since I haven’t yet found another such opportunity, I have resolved to finetune my antenna and look for them more closely.

*Gary Topping is a writer and historian living in Salt Lake City, Utah. He is the retired archivist for the Catholic Diocese of Salt Lake City and has written many books and articles. Signature Books recently published his latest work titled D. Michael Quinn: Mormon Historian.