By Jathan Janove (Guest Contributor)–
Ralph Mabey has had a long, distinguished career as a federal bankruptcy judge, law professor, and national bankruptcy attorney, including serving as a court-appointed mediator in the Lehman Brothers bankruptcy during the Great Recession. He’s also served the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter-day Saints in various leadership roles, including stake president and bishop. He and his wife Sylvia currently serve a mission in Long Island, New York.
What’s something in your life for which you are grateful?
Having just turned 76, I am grateful to be alive. I’m grateful that I’m happy and have a wonderful family. I’m grateful for having a rooted life perspective that comes from my religious faith.
What’s a treasured memory?
When my wife and I got married, she spent her life savings for us to have a honeymoon in Europe. At a lake-side table in Hallstatt, Austria, we shared notes we’d written about why we decided to marry each other. We kept these notes. Over the years, we have reviewed them many times. They’ve served as great reminders during trials, challenges, opportunities, successes and setbacks. These notes recall the foundation stones that brought us together and that still support our commitment to each other in our 52-year marriage.
What would you change about the way you were raised?
My parents loved and trusted me. Yet they were not demonstrably affectionate. We were not a family of hugs and kisses. I think that’s perhaps why I’m a little more standoffish than I would like to be. The positive feelings were there. I just wish more had been done to express them, so I’d be better at it now.
If the current you could provide real-time advice to a younger you, what would it be?
Patience. I would say to a version of me in my 20s that life is a long journey. There is time to accomplish things. It’s easy to cut corners, skip preparation and miss out on valuable experiences in the rush to get ahead. I would say to myself, “Ralph, don’t sell yourself short. Be patient. Opportunities will arise.”
What’s an embarrassing moment in your life you’re willing to share?
Two instantly come to mind.
I was a young judge in Salt Lake City, helping host a judicial conference. I drove to the airport to pick up some judges. It was a very hot, arid day. On the drive from the airport, a judge sitting in the backseat asked, “Is Utah a dry state?” I replied, “Oh, we get about 16 to 20 inches a year.” The other judges were speechless. The car was dead silent. And I was clueless that I had naively misunderstood the question.
The second one occurred one evening while I walked my future wife Sylvia home. I had new contact lenses that added to my macho sense of self. We passed a church under construction. Its construction floodlights were on for the workers and we stepped closer to get a better look. Unfortunately, between the floodlights and my new contacts, I became temporarily blinded. I took one step too many and plunged down the dirt embankment into the basement. Sylvia, who had been on my arm, wisely stopped in time, but unwisely, I thought, chortled. I was fortunate not to have been seriously injured. And I guess I was fortunate to be taught some perspective. I know I was very fortunate that Sylvia married me anyway.
Given the choice of anyone, whom would you want as a dinner guest and what would you talk about?
Joseph Smith, the American prophet and martyr, who founded the religion that is fundamental to my life. I’d ask him: How in the world did you weave revelatory wisdom from God into the fabric of life’s incredible trials, challenges and opportunities? I need to know—I’m trying to do it.
Your house catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash. What would you grab?
No question: I’d grab the notes my wife and I wrote to each other 52 years ago.
What do you find spiritual in life?
The beauty of God’s creations, Planet Earth, birds, waterfowl, people. All God’s creations are spiritual to me.
Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time that you haven’t yet done?
I don’t claim to be content, but I don’t have anything on my bucket list anymore. I had dreams in the past of being a professional baseball player, President of the United States and taller. Other dreams came true; however, those three never panned out.
If you could say something to a deceased friend, relative or colleague, something unsaid during that person’s lifetime, what would it be?
After I left the bench and returned to practicing law, I had a case before the judge who had replaced me. He issued a scathing opinion, all but accusing me of fraud.
I was devastated. This was a high-profile case and the opinion was published. At that time, I cared greatly about what people thought of me. I felt my reputation had been destroyed and my career was over.
I attempted to speak with the judge, but he refused, saying it would be an ex parte communication. Much later, when he was dying in the hospital, I went to see him. I wanted to tell him that as painful as the experience was, it made me a better lawyer and better person. It taught me that I am not my reputation. I am who I intrinsically am. This proved to be a life-changing revelation for me and what followed was a great improvement in both reputation and professional success—and I hope in my intrinsic worth.
Unfortunately, the judge wouldn’t talk to me. This is a life loose-end I’d like to resolve.
Why do you wear bow ties?
I started wearing bowties after becoming a judge. I found that they perched perfectly above the judicial robe neckline. By the time I left the bench, wearing bowties had become a habit. Besides, as I indicated earlier with my church basement story, when a klutz like me spills soup, I only have to worry about the shirt.
Jathan Janove is Principal of Janove Organization Solutions, http://jathanjanove.com. Through consulting, executive coaching and training, he works with employers to create fully engaged workplace cultures. He also practiced law in Salt Lake City, Utah and Portland, Oregon.
